Caring for Kids

An Accredited Organization of Parents Anonymous ® Inc.

by Imelda Tatsch

Grandparents

If I may I would like to continue last month’s column regarding grandparents raising grandchildren.

As I shared last month we have begun our grandparents support group at the Advocacy Center. In talking with the grandparents, I see there is much more involved than we realized. Although I was aware of this growing population, I did not know how many face far more obstacles than just adding children to their home.

In addition to taking on the task of raising another’s children, many are also caring for seriously ill spouses and some of the children are also facing health concerns. Although all involved are affected to some degree, this leaves one caregiver to take on the responsibility of all.

This is the one that needs our focus.

The caregiver of all is the one that is least likely to take care of themselves.

We know that for anyone to properly care for another they must first take care of self first. Yet we have been taught that it is selfish to think of ourselves first.

On the other hand, flight attendants always give this clear direction in the event of an emergency: When in the care of a child, an elder, or disabled person you are to put the oxygen mask on yourself first then on the other. This is to ensure the caregiver remains alert and can take care of the other person. This is clearly the wisest action to take and yet thinking this way seems to go against something within our care-giving nature.

What happens to the house when the main foundation cracks? We need to see what can be done to help alleviate some of the stressors these caregivers face:
----------------There is often no one available to help care for these children or a safe place to take them for a few hours to allow for a little break.
----------------Many are living on a fixed income and though they may be eligible for some outside assistance it is often barely enough to cover basic needs, extra activities are often too costly to fit into their budget.
----------------The children; many have been placed with several” families” before they reach the grandparent. Some as mentioned before are suffering serious health concerns. They are frightened and possibly do not feel safe anywhere. These children act out and are labeled behavior problems at school or they may withdraw completely.
----------------Although this is an ever increasing population many grandparents feel isolated and alone as may some of the children.
--------------- Children being raised by someone other than mom and dad may feel “different” from their friends. They don’t understand why mom and/ or dad don’t want them.

These are only a few of the situations that are being faced. I’m sure each family has their own needs.

From a grandparents point of view I have to say I truly admire these that have stepped up to take in these added blessings. Yes, I said "blessings" because I imagine we would be hard pressed to find one that wouldn't say that the joy received far outweighs the struggle.

We have formed this group for those families in the care of another’s children to offer a place to share their joys and sorrows, the good and the not so good. Sometimes all we need is to know we are not alone.

We do not know how far reaching the opportunities this will bring to the lives of those involved. I choose the word opportunity because it is our desire to use this time to discover and focus on the possibilities of positive outcomes.
To the community I ask you to think of ways that we can work together to offer positive solutions to some of the above mentioned opportunities to help.

Grandparents raising grandchildren meets weekly on Thursday morning 10:00-11:30 at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center, Inc.

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Imelda Tatsch is the Program Director at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center (NETCAC) located in Winnsboro, and her columns appear in their bi-monthly newsletter. In "Caring for Kids" she offers support, insight, and a touch of humor for parents and grandparents. She is a trained facilitator for parenting classes.

She will be happy to answer questions about parenting and family relationships. You can e-mail her with your questions.