Caring for Kids

An Accredited Organization of Parents Anonymous ® Inc.

by Imelda Tatsch

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Here we are headed into the third month of 2009… I really believe the earth is spinning faster these days…
I’m sure you’ve noticed too that the weather is getting warmer and the storms have already begun to arrive. This means spring is just around the corner. For many in this area spring means it’s planting time again, new crops, and gardens; vegetable and flower. I love this time of year because everything that was brown, dry and brittle becomes fresh, green and new; full of life….

Parenting is a lot like gardening.

First, we decide what kind of crop we want. We want bountiful, healthy, thriving crops. This takes preparation. The ground is hard and firm (Sometimes we are set in our old parenting styles) and needs to be tilled to soften it enough to plant, (we have to be open to new ideas).

We decide what we want to grow (what values and skills do we want to pass on to our children) then plant those seeds. This is just the beginning of a long process of watering, fertilizing, and weeding. Weeding is a constant process in gardening.

If you are new to “gardening” this may sound difficult. Take it one weed at a time. Some weeds (negative behaviors) become so entangled in the garden that you fear if you pull all the weeds you may damage the whole plant (breaking the child’s spirit). Don’t try to pull out everything at once, (try one new idea at a time). Weed out the negatives root by root.

Weed thoughts (unhealthy parenting ideas) often keep us locked in to focusing only on the negative behaviors of our children. Don’t pay so much attention to these weeds (negative behaviors) that you miss the flower that’s growing there too. Nurture the flower and eventually the weed will wither in the heat of the truth, and the flower can emerge.

Keep in mind that some weeds have a bigger but shallow root system and some have a single root that runs deep (patterns passed down through generations). Habit Weeds (Patterns of behavior), that have no real substance (unquestioned beliefs we have just grown to accept) become family patterns and old patterns return like weeds! We can learn to manage these weeds if we are willing to be consistent and open.

As parents, our responsibility is to create a good foundation, plant the right seeds, consistently tend to the needs of the tender early seedlings and keep them as safe as possible from the “elements” (there is a limit to how much we can shield our children).

Do this and you can be sure that as your little crops grow they will be sturdy and strong. Soon they will develop their own root system, and become more capable of withstanding the winds and rains.

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Imelda Tatsch is the Program Director at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center (NETCAC) located in Winnsboro, and her columns appear in their bi-monthly newsletter. In "Caring for Kids" she offers support, insight, and a touch of humor for parents and grandparents. She is a trained facilitator for parenting classes.

She will be happy to answer questions about parenting and family relationships. You can e-mail her with your questions.