CARING FOR KIDS
An Accredited Organization of Parents Anonymous ® Inc.
by Imelda Tatsch
Hello Spring….
For many I’m sure it seemed as thought it would never get here. As for myself, I am not altogether sure that we don’t have one more little blast of winter before we can really know that the warmer temps are here to stay. If memory serves correct, we may have to run out one more time to cover those eager little sprouts inching their way out of the cold hard winter turf.
As for me when ever it comes; spring will be welcomed with an open heart. Spring reminds me of parenting, no surprise there, for me most everything can be related to parenting in some way.
Spring makes me think of parenting first for the obvious reasons; everything is brand new like a newborn baby. All is fresh and clean. After a cold gray winter it’s like we get a fresh new start. Babies are like that; they are fresh and new and clean. Did you ever notice how one of the first things people do when they hold a newborn is breathe them in? Notice the next time someone takes up a newborn in their arms, holds them close, and breathes deeply. Look at the expression on their face, its like ahhh relief, comfort, joy.
When I see children filled with anger, or a young adult in prison, or an old man bent and troubled with the cares of life, I think about that person as a newborn so fresh and new sweet and innocent and wonder what happened. What has this child, this young adult, this old man, been through that has turned them this way?
In my profession, I am witness to some of the darker side of childhood and parenting and there is no place for blame. There is a cycle when it comes to parenting. We parent how we were parented. This is not always a negative thing; no one is perfect and there are no perfect parent skills, and in spite of what many parents think there are no perfect children.
Having said that, I will agree that there are some children who do give us a little more challenge than others. It is amazing how many parents have a child that comes home from the hospital, sleeps through the night, never throws up, and they have yet to understand what the big deal is about terrible twos. These parents are so proud and think they are the world's greatest parents until baby number two comes along. No two babies are alike no matter the gene pool they come from. This is not the problem; trying to fit them all into the same mold is.
That is what I think happens to a lot of those angry children, troubled adolescents, and bent and bitter old men. Possibly someone did not take the time to get to know each one of them for who they came here to be and tried to make them into who they thought they should be.
This topic is a soapbox for me and this space is just not big enough for all I could say, so I will move on. My final thought on this for now is:
We have to learn to meet our children, and anyone we want to have a relationship with, where they are; meet who they are, get to know them on a real personal level. What do they like? What are their dreams and hopes? What are they afraid of and what makes them happy. Parents say, "I am busy. That takes too much time. And for some kids they are right. Some kids are a challenge. My question is; are they not worth it? I for one think they are.
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Imelda Tatsch is the Program Director at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center (NETCAC) located in Winnsboro, and her columns appear in their bi-monthly newsletter. In "Caring for Kids" she offers support, insight, and a touch of humor for parents and grandparents. She is a trained facilitator for parenting classes.
She will be happy to answer questions about parenting and family relationships. You can e-mail her with your questions.