CARING FOR KIDS
An Accredited Organization of Parents Anonymous ® Inc.
by Imelda Tatsch
Its February most are thinking of Valentines which makes us think of hearts and flowers candy, and Love. Has Valentines Day gone by the way of Christmas? Have we gotten too commercialized? Is this just another case of pulling on the heartstrings of those who choose to get caught up in it?
I feel about love at Valentines the way I feel about generosity at Christmas…. Do we really need a holiday to tell us to help others in need or when to say “I Love you” to those that mean the most to us. Just as it is at Christmas, we get the “feeling” to give to share to be generous and bless others because we are so blessed.
My big question is always the same. What about the rest of the year. People who are hungry and without in December are likely to be hungry and without in January, April, and July. It’s the same with love; people closest to us need to know they are loved every day of the year. And lets not stop with those closest to us. What would our community be like if we decided to show some form of love to every one we encounter each day? We do not need cards or chocolates or prewritten sayings to let our loved ones know they are loved. There are many ways to share our love with each other that never cost a dime.
I have a book entitled “I love you rituals” by Becky Bailey…. It is filled with ideas and fun activities that are focused on interaction with your child. “I Love You Rituals are delightful interactions that adults can play with children from infancy through eight years of age and that send the message of unconditional acceptance. Unconditional acceptance is love”. (I love you rituals Becky A. Bailey Ph.D.)
I appreciate the last line unconditional acceptance is love… Is that not what we are here to do? To love one another as we love ourselves? The greatest commandment of all after our love for God is to love one another. Our beliefs are as unique as we are. We tend to find and associate with others who share our general belief systems, but when we see others whose beliefs differ greatly from ours we often choose to judge and criticize them and very often feel the need to make them change and be more “like us”
When we do this how are we showing unconditional love and acceptance? It is easy for us to sit in judgment of those who do not see things as we do, but the truth is we have no idea where they have been or why and how they came to that belief. What message are we sending to our children? They are watching and they learn to pass judgment and be critical and the cycle continues.
Our parent education classes here at Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center, begin with the first lesson focusing on family patterns -- how we parent the way we are parented. If you grew up in a household where "I love you" was rarely spoken, your need for loving touch was not. Your basic needs may have been met, but emotionally there was something missing. Therefore, you are likely to grow up with an inability to show affection, even if you felt hurt by this.
Whydoes this happen? Because this is your way of life; it’s what you know. No one can make you change your beliefs or behaviors until you first recognize a need to change and then have the desire to make that change. Any personal change from quitting a dangerous addiction to nail biting has to come from a personal desire within. No amount of good advice from others will make that change until you are ready. This brings me back to those that choose to sit in judgment of others. The next time you feel the need to criticize ask the question. Am I showing unconditional acceptance, am I showing the love that was commanded of me?
Remember the little ones are watching and listening to every word. What do you want to pass on to them? What kind of world are we helping them to create one of unconditional love?
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Imelda Tatsch is the Program Director at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center (NETCAC) located in Winnsboro, and her columns appear in their bi-monthly newsletter. In "Caring for Kids" she offers support, insight, and a touch of humor for parents and grandparents. She is a trained facilitator for parenting classes.
She will be happy to answer questions about parenting and family relationships. You can e-mail her with your questions.